TRIGGERED AND OVER IT

 FRIDAY I WAS TRIGGERED BY SEING MY DMS KARMIC COME INTO MY BRANCH
SHE IS GOING TO MEET HIM IN ANCHORAGE FOR SOMETHING I DONT KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IT IS

BUT IT MADE ME FEEL

LIKE I WAS LEFT OUT
THAT I WASNT CHOSEN AND THAT I WILL NEVER BE CHOSEN BY ANYONE EVER
AND I WILL ALWAYS BE AN AFTERTHOUGHT AND YESTERDAYS TRASH NO MATTER HOWGOOD OF A PERSON I AM OR HOW DEEP MY LOVE GOES IT WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH FOR SOMEONE TO CHOOSE ME EVEN THE VERY PERSON THAT SHARES MY SOUL
AND I AM SO HURT AND ANGRY AND FULL OF RAGE AND HEARTBREAK THAT I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF .. I TELL MYSELF ITS JUST AN ILLUSION ITS JUST AN  ILLUSION ITS JUST AN ILLUSION BU TEARS ARE FLOWING AS I AM TYPING THIS

ALL I WANTED TO DO WHEN I CAME HOME IS BE IN THE ARMS OF THE OTHER HALF OF MY SOUL TO TELL ME EVERYTHING IS OKAY AND I HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT  BUT HE WASNT THERE AND HE HASNT BEEN THERE FOR A VERY LONG TIME AND I WENT ON IN LIFE TRYING TO GET OVER AND TRYING TO MAKE SOMEONE SEE THAT I WAS WORTHY AND ITS JUST FAIL AFTER FAIL AFTER FAIL AFTER FAIL AFTER FAIL  AND ITS NOT FAIR . I HAVENT DONE ANYTHING TO ANYONE TO DESERVE THIS  YET I HAVE TO CARRY ALL OF THESE HURTFULL WOUNDS AND CONSTANTLY BEING PUNISHED I HATE IT I HATE PEOPLE I HATE WHERE HUMANITY IS AT THIS TIME

I KNOW I NEED TO REJECT EVERY HUMAN BEING AND PRETEND I AM THE ONLY ONE THAT EXISTS AND HOW WOULD I FEEL OR SEE EVERYTHING FROM THIS PERSPECTIVE I DONT KNOW WHY I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE TWIN FLAME IF WE CANT GET OVER THESE HURDLES AND ITS ALWAYS A STALEMATE

I HAVE NOTHING POSITIVE TO SAY RIGHT NOW EXCEPT I HATE  EVRYTHING AND EVERYONE

AND ALL I HAVE IS ME AND I KNEW THAT BUT I THOUGHT I WAS WRONG  BUT ITS THE ONLY THING THAT MAKES SENSE

BUT ITS COLD DARK AND LONLEY AND THATS THE ONLY REALITY IVE BEEN SHOWN

I KNOW THIS WILL PASS BUT I GIVE UP I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE