Trip to My Other halfs Begining

After having that initial experience with my twin back in 2007. when he returned home I had a very strong urge to go to his country to find him. The urge and idea to do this was random and out of context to my mother and she was always in a state of fear for my well being so the idea would never materialize with her input or influence. I let it go.

Years later now that Ive reconnected  and we were in separation  the desire returned and this time i could pursue it without any opposition. I booked my flight to tonga eagerly and happily thinking that if i could just reach out to him and touch him and be close to him that this pain would end. shortly after booking the flight and hotel I awakeneed to what the connection truly was and realized that trip was done out of ego and the push pull thats so detrimental to twin flame relationships. I started doing some healing work and got to a place that I was no longer attached to my twin the same way I was before and that separation did not mean we arent connected anymore. so after asking others what I should do I concluded that I would still take my trip but take the trip because i want to see the island and the surroundings and not to simply be closer to him.  As time goes by and my trip is near my life and work become unbearable and after a major upset with my Brandy concert a week prior I was in need of a vacation just to get away from all the nonsense. So I leave and go to tonga and my destination was vavauu. I arrive to tonga which was about 4 flights and over 14 hrs of travel go thru customs and all that jazz get  a taxi over to the domestic terminal for my flight to vavauu.

my flight to vavauu is cancelled

because of some storm warning  the staff is rude dumb and unapologetic about it as well 

this infuriated me

I had to check in a hotel i had no intention of staying at 

day one cancelled

day two cancelled

so Im still at the hotel LEE finds out im there and cant belive it and tells me hes on the other island of vavauu ughh he says hes gonna send someone to come pick me up and show me around I told him stop its not about you if I  want a tour I can find a tour guide

he felt as if I was trying to trick him and I wasnt its just I was hurt that the majority of my week was not where i planned on being and that my twin was making this out to be something like I cant genuinely want to see Tonga without him being at the helm. I felt this was an intentional block for me from the universe and I was watching readings on youtube and one confirmed there is a block  they said they had a Union and Alighnment meditation to help clear this  it was 40 dollars and I purchased it. I did the meditation and it was pretty powerfull and  I cried during this meditation and I didnt understand why and then once the meditation concluded my hotel phone rang and it was the front desk telling me that The flight to vavauu was on for tomorrow morning.... I thought wow soon as i did this now i can go to vavauu?

okay so I go to vavauu check into my hotel and Lees wife brought it to his attention i was there and he picked me up and we went to lunch. When he first picked me up he was on facebook video with his wife  This annoyed me they are so insecure that they have to share facebook profiles and constantly be in surveillance of each other its rather toxic nevertheless. I go to hug him and he pulls back a bit and say hey notice the wife on the phone ...okay and we talk and stuff as we drive around and get to the place where we are having lunch. He finally ended the video chat so we can talk and enjoy our meal . During my time in tonga I got a tatoo with his name and a heart on my chest. I told him i had a tatoo but i didnt show him. I didnt show him because i thought it would put more distance and awkwardness between us . But GOT the tatoo so that I didnt feel there was a separation and that there is a piece of him with me not really because im just obsessed over him its was token of healing and detachment lol in a round about way 

When I originally booked this trip my intention was to go to him and tell him how much I love him and how I want to be in his life in any way that manifests and that whatever he wants to do I will not fight him on it 

During my awakening this thinking evolved I realized that I was feeling that way because I thought I would lose him if I didn’t submit to everything he wanted and in the way he wanted for fear that he would shut me out. I also realized that as the one who awakened first in this it is also my job to be strong and not submit to ego or the old 3d paradigms. So My message to him once I met with him was going to be drastically different from the original narrative. I was going to tell him about twin flames tell him about numbers tell him about breaking his karmic cycles the whole nine I was going to break it down this evolved again.

I realized again I am pushing and he would be pulling and that I have to go within and magnetize him to me with all that I know instead of pushing it on to him . So With all the readings I watched I needed to see some confirmation that it was true. Lee told me I should marry a tongan woman. He also told me I should start a family. He also said I should set up a a date . His sister also told me she has another sister I could marry. THIS IS THE FUCKING PROBLEM Not once did lee ask me is this something I wanted or what type of woman I am interested in or what do I see my future looking like. I told him I already have my eye on someone. Lees sister actualy said that lees wife would be happy if I did get married? WTF that means they have talked about me in a way that interferes with their marriage and that if I got married it would ease things because im no longer focused  on lee.. THAT’S TERRRIBLE but the discovery in all of this was that regardless of how you feel get married and start a family when u feel its wrong we will support you so you stay stuck in it. Thats the real reason islanders are very supportive of each other. I have always felt that my life would be so much different had I grew up as an islander and not in the disconnected dysfunctional family that I was born into but now I thank god for that because its given me so much strength , so much autonomy and so much emotional clarity. When lee told me he considered me part of his family and I began spending time with (his wifes side of the family) I felt amazing because this was what I always wanted and dreamed about. When lee left all of the connections he helped bring together fell apart we were all tolerating each other because of the love we felt for LEE but that’s not real. So I refuse to participate in any 3^rd party friendships associations or connections any longer. I will not be a 3^rd wheel tagalong. If I cannot enjoy my own relationship with you I do not want it in my life. I would rather strive for creating my own circle. I was very grateful to have spent time with lee in his country of birth and his surroundings. I realized during my trip I have not let go enough of him. During my time there he didn’t want to say he loved me and he waffled back and forth between calling me a friend or a family member. This was a trigger for me. My 3d self thought that he would be freer to express his true feelings if we were isolated from our home life. I know he loves me just as much as I love him but I also know that his heart and mind goes back and forth with loving me and not loving me sometimes as illustrated by his outward expressions. As 5d beings we have to trust that regardless of the 3d dealings that the truth is there . This journey really clarifies and puts in perspective the differences between 3d and 5d consciousness. This journey is full of catch 22s and paradoxes. We are souls having a 3d experience so we cant completely ignore the 3d neither can we put all of our trust and faith in it. It’s a balance I guess of knowing when to accept or reject. I cringe when my friend says things like he would never do this for you or your doing all this crying and he wouldn’t do it for you . I know in my heart and mind and soul that that’s not true however I don’t have any  3d proof that its true and that’s where so many ppul get stuck because if its not tangible they feel it doesn’t exist.. My twin has given so much that I could never repay or even reciprocate in the form of 3d.

And that’s the inner knowing that I am special enough  to be chosen for this path of self discovery and love and that god was actually watching and guiding my lifes path all along. I realized that eventhough I detached from my twin and the outcome I was still looking outside of myself for some sort of confirmation of something from him that only I can know for myself. Its so hard because you have your own experience with your soul

But you wonder how the other part of your soul is experiencing things in their reality and that’s part of where the pull comes from just  a natural curiosity about yourself in their form so it all goes back to self discovery